Wine v/s Water

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces(human excreta).
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of shit.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whisky or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Shit, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

I suffer from P.M.S - putting up with a man's stupidity!

Yeah I know, sounds frustrating. Well it is!!!! I mean if women are a necessary evil then men defintely are the unecessary one's. Why do we put with all their crap? They are irritaing, egoistic, insensitive - MCPs (i.e. Male Chauvinist Pigs). Yeah Yeah I know you have already branded me as a feminist but hola they are quite irritating!!!

Dont' think so?? Ok lets list down a few (although I have a huge list that would use all of the memory that google has)characteristics of men that are quite vexatious!!! Caution - All those Male Chauvinists, who will in their defence say that I can't make generalisations like these. My only answer to you is the science of human behaviour is called 'Anthropology' and since its a science I CAN MAKE GENERALISATION!!!!

Disposition No.1 - Think something, say something else, do something completely different

Now this, I thinkthis is a perenial problem I face with all men I interact with be it my father, my friends, colleagues etc. Men term this practise of theirs as 'being flexible read: hypocrite'. Yeah right flexible which by the way means 'capable of being readily changed' is a consious decision to adapt or adjust to a changing situation. It also means informing the other party involved. However in this case they take it for granted that other party will understand (we are not your mothers) *insert angry smiley here* (now thats a pun 'angry' & 'smiley' in the same sentence no??? oh forget it) and take decisions at the spur of a moment. And when the other party (mostly women over here) ask them what happened?Hhere are the standard replies -

1. Oh didn't I tell you...... and makes a puppy face

2. Oh yeah that (reluctantly) see this is what happened....... and I couldnt help and..... (and you think to urself "keep quiet you moron or i'l throw a shoe at you")

3. Why do I need to explain myself to anyone! (you need to you fool cause your as complicated as a geometry problem that needs an assumption, a theorem, a diagram and a conclusion to be understood)

Disposition No.2 - The word appreciation does not fall in my dictionary

Don't we all face this!! Men just can't appreciate. I mean if you like something you need to say it. EXPLICITLY!!! Women on the other hand are always looking for appreciation in everything they do. Moreover because they hardly get any for all the effort they do in cooking, dressing up, doing their best at work!! All of this for what like a little appreciation from their husbands, boyfriends, fiances, bosses but in return what they get - 'A Smirk' ewwwwwwwww makes me wanna puke *insert puking smiley here*

Disposition No.3 - Lady drivers: That word doesnt exist cause a lady can't be a driver and a driver can't be a lady

Now this is my all time favorite particularly cause women themselves agree on this (even those who drive). I do not drive but thats cause I like sitting at the back and enjoying the music. But I strongly disagree on this point. Cause women around me are really good drivers. And why is such a big deal being made about driving - Firstly, I don't think its a huge science. All it requires is minimal brains & skill, secondly they need us cause we are the ones who drive you back when your drunk so that you don't spend your salary only on drinking and paying fine.

Disposition No.4 - Yes

How difficult is it to say the word 'NO'. Come on, all you men reading this say with me 'No', Again! Thats good. See you can say it! So use sometime when you can't do things, when your hard pressend of time, when you can't meet. Don't promise and go back on your word!! i know this should have been included in disposition No.1 cause effectively its is a problem of ineffective communication. But I want to make a special mention of this cause frankly i think it deserves it. So many men I know can't say no. Don't know why but just to let you know it breaks peoples hearts. Yes 'No' sometimes is good and can solve problems and can save and already complicated situation from becoming even more complicated because of your complicated brain and your complicated communication that leads to complicated expectations that leads to whole lot of new complications that we do not need anymore!!! As if global warming, terrorism and now swine flu were any else.

Disposition No.5 - Cricket

Cricket is a sport. period. Why make such a big deal? Frankly I think cricketers are a bunch of overprized underdogs turned brand ambassadors who have no interest in education and so either take up a bat, spin a ball or run after a ball. For what??? I'l tell you for millions of stupid men who think that cricket can change the world!!! get real guyss. Cricket can't do any good to human kind let alone you. All the money that goes into sponsorship, betting, advertising, brand endorsing can be put to better use like supporting orphaned children, disabled people etc(there is a long list of causes that need the money)

As I said I can go on till I exhaust all of google's memory but i'd leave you with all this to chew on. Feedback is welcome.




He made so many MEN to be precise!!!

Office Pen Chor!!!!

Has it ever happened to you( I am sure it has), when some Tom Cruise on his Mission Impossible or some Damsel in Distress next to you picks up the phone to call a person , then realises half way through their conversation (with obviously an important client) that they need to take down some information!!!! So there they are standing next to you, with the index finger joint to their thumb vigorously shaking their hand (indicating they want something to write with) and you are suppose to interpret this Dumb & Deaf sign language. Whats more you even have to provide them with your pen.

Yes this is what happened to me yesterday, Damsel Distress asked for a pen. As sharing and caring I am I gave it. Then got engrossed in my work. When I picked my head up Damsel in Distress had vanished. WITH MY PEN!!!! I got up looked around, scanned the office but DD wasn't anywhere in sight. By now I was paranoid ( I know this sounds petty but it is MY PEN). I mean if one takes an account a pen every working day = 5 pens a week= 20 pens/month=240 pens/year that is a loss of Rs 7200/- a year (assuming Rs 30/pen which is by the way the actual cost of my pens some even more than that). OK so I would be spending 7,200 bucks a year on ordinary pens can you imagine I mean I'd rather go to Mango or any of the other hoity-Toity brands and shop(i.e. if they have anything above size 0). Haan so getting back to my pen dilemma, more than the money its is that the fact that it belongs to ME, I take that extra effort to visit the stationary store, get my stationary, take care of it(hide it from my younger sibling) and then some random people come and take it away.

Now I was panicking, cause DD wasn't to be seen, I mean I didn't know her name, all I could remember of her was her pink kurta because that's my favorite colour). I thought I should just scan through the office and search my pen. The moment I looked around I knew that it was a bad idea cause even if I hired CBI OR FBI for that matter considering the state of my office they would give up. On the outside it seems like a nice Corporate office. But once you Venture you will feel you are on the sets of Jumanji or Jurassic Park with papers and plastic bottles strewn all over, dustbins overflowing. But that's not why I would call it Jumanji or Jurassic Park the real reason would be people gathered talking, uh sorry! screeching, barking, crowing, grunting(like the rhino's in Jumanji) and calling each other's names ( I mean guys there is a phone there is list of extension numbers, use it sometimes) also " DON'T SHOOT PRINTS , is heard quite often here in this African Safari. So getting back to the point, it was a bad idea to search but nevertheless I am going to be the next Lara Croft and I am going to raid this tomb and excavate my precious pen.

Haaaeeeyyyaaa( thats the Bruce Lee kind of sound means lets fight). So I looked around, scanned, peered, was trying to find DD. But no pink kurta was anywhere in sight. Nevertheless my quest continued I was going to excavate it in the ruins of this Harrappa & Mohenjodaro. I went through each and every desk in my office checked below, checked above but it was nowhere in sight. Oh no, I thought it was lost, my heart was in pain.

I had lost hope, lost hope in humanity, in responsibility. Because responsibility doesn't exist anymore. My Mom once said, 'Take care of others things, more than you would take care of yours". I followed this right to the 's' of the last word 'yours'. I wanted to scream"Bhagwan mujhe kin karmon ki saaza mil rahi' (I fall in the Meena Kumari kind of genre). But I could not, because here I have to be like the Bipasha Basu of Corporate.

Just I was about to drag my feet back to my computer, I saw it. Atleast I thought I did. There next to the scanner. Was it a mirage!!!! It was silver, with black head. I saw it.I finally saw it!! It was there. Kushi ke aansu were rolling down my eyes. I ran upto it. Touched it first to make sure it were real. You bet, It was!!! I wanted to hug it, Just feel it in my arms. "Oh where were you for so long poochie, come to mama" But I quickly realised people were staring at my "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - Shahrukh meets Kajol after so many years and runs ro hug her" stunt. So I (sumdi mein) picked my pen and walked back to my desk.

I felt I could breath once again. I came back put my pen back in my drawer, locked it, put the key in my bag, gathered my things, closed my computer. Was ready to head home, after a tiring "Crystal Maze" episode kind off day.

While I headed for the door, I made a resolution in my mind. No one, and yes I mean it no one is getting my pen from next time. Not even if your as cute as Tom Cruise on his Mission Impossible.

'I am vegetarian. But I eat chicken sometimes'

Hey was bored of writing about myself so I am writing about other people now. Now what I am going to write maybe a bit sarcastic as it talks about the duality we see in todays world. It is about my fellow gujarati, madwadi, jain etc folks who claim very proudly - 'I am vegetarian. But I eat chicken sometimes'.

I remember when I was small, like in class 5th or 6th (class not grade cause that's what I called it and that's what I call it still!!!). I remember being asked by this quirky bespectacled classmate with picktales "Whether I was a vegetarian or a nonvegetarian". She had a mouth so big she could swallow a mosquito!!. I thought to myself , twice a week mom makes chicken(yummy), once mutton(ugg), and once fish the rest of the days she makes the oh so tasteless vegetables and dals. So considering the fact that I ate nonveg 3 a week and veg the rest of the 4 days I proudly announced " I am both vegetarian and non vegetarian". Was so proud of myself, I had it right finally. The bespectacled girl with a mouth as big as it could swallow a mosquito made a big "O" with it and left. When I came home I narrated the incident to my mamma proud of my latest discovery. Mamma looked at me for a while and said " Sunayan people who eat both vegetarian and non vegetarian food are "non-vegetarians"… But Mamma I protested I don't eat chicken or fish every day. You make it only thrice and we sometime go to Radio Club for Chinese so I am both! Mom then said, " You either are a vegetarian or you are a non vegetarian,
there is no in the middle, there is no both. If you don't eat meat then you are vegetarian and if you do whether occasional, everyday you are a nonvegetarian.

Ok so now I had a new identity Sunayan Shahani, Female, Hindu, Non-Vegetarian. From that day whoever asked me this question I was Non-Veg. Even on Thursday! (A day on which the whole Sindhi community eats vegetarian food).

But today I have friends and fellow colleagues ( gujjus and madu's and jain's predominantly) who give me statements like, 'I am vegetarian. But I eat chicken sometimes, We don't cook it at home. I eat occasionally with my friends. I eat only chicken not sea food. Not even once a week may be 2 or thrice a month, Whenever I feel like.
DUDE!!!!!
I want to scream. But I keep my calm and and talk a like a civilized citizen from South Bombay (where even a scream should be in the form of a whisper because your BAWA neighbour will complain to your landlord), so I ask " How can you classify yourself as Vegetarian when you do eat Non-veg occasionally even if it is only chicken? I mean I don't eat non-veg everyday too my mom doesn't make it everyday. But I still acknowledge my eating habits as those of a Non Vegetarian!

But my dear gujarati and madwadi friends still continue to say the same sentence and not agree with me. So now I have come with a new term for this species of people who Eat Chicken, but are so to say Vegetarian. These people I call 'Conveniently Vegetarian', Actually it should be 'Conveniently Non-Vegetraian' since they eat occasionally and mom doesn't cook it and etc etc…… But I know they like the word vegetarian, shud shakahari, which we associate with a good feeling of ethical treatment to animals, with good people like Gandhiji, Maneka Gandhi and John Abaraham, with good associations like PETA.


Therefore this it Conveniently Vegetarian, here they come!!!

That's all folks. Please note this article wasn't meant to hurt any person or communities feelings(Ha like I mean that).

For now it is me signing out

Tata birla lodha,

The following poem is inspired by my Mom-


Wearing a smile on the toughest days….
Making a difference in many as ways

Every morning, I look at my face in the mirror,
I see a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother.
I see my duties, I see my role,
The day is going to be tough as it unfolds.

But still I go ahead,
Wearing a smile on the toughest days,
Making a difference in as many ways.

As I sail through the day, I realize,
I have tough choices to make
But I promised myself,
I won't given in and I won't break
I do it for everyone's sake…

Just for everyone...
Wearing a smile on the toughest days,
Making a difference in as many ways.

I see my world spinning around,
When I think about -
My children at school, my project deadline and
Oh my God the pressure cooker's sound!!

Then again, I follow a simple mantra…
Wearing a smile on the toughest days,
Making a difference in as many ways.

I am the flower that perfumes,
The hand that crushes it.
A lotus that blooms,
In the pond filled with mud and filth in it

What makes me so beautiful …
Wearing a smile on the toughest days,
Making a difference in as many ways.

I am God's creation
When He was at His best
He nurtures me,
So that I can take care of the rest.

He gives me the strength …
Wearing a smile on the toughest days,
Making a difference in as many ways.